Age and adulthood

Two days ago I was waiting to talk to someone at church when a teenage girl wandered in, then out of the foyer, then down and up one hall and back again. It turned out she had been dropped off at both the wrong place and time for a night of Christmas caroling, and since I'd arrived absurdly early for my appointment I was free to chat and commiserate - and, more importantly, to offer the use of my cell phone so she could call her people. Said people naturally wondered whose phone she was using, and the girl said that a woman had let her borrow her cell.

The use of that word shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. When did I become a woman? Shouldn't I still be a girl - immature, inexperienced, young? Maybe not to a teenager. I'm about ten years too old to be a teenager, and teenagers are very good at noticing things like that. And even if I didn't look like I'm in my twenties, she had to know that I was at least eighteen based on our conversation. But I couldn't help getting a bit self-conscious. Was it the white streak in my hair? Should I follow my sister's advice and dye it instead of enjoying the geek chic of comparisons with Rogue-from X-Men? Did it make me look old?

I know that, physically speaking, I've been a woman for a good long time - over half my life, short as it's been. But the shortness of my life is what made the description so startling. I'm twenty-seven. Yes, I've been to college (and even graduated), had a number of jobs, paid rent, been financially independent, etc. No, I wouldn't want to be a teenager again, not physically, emotionally or mentally, and certainly not socially. I am an adult.

But a woman?

I've decided it comes down to what I'm used to. If I went to a job interview and the hiring manager referred to me as a girl, I wouldn't bat an eye because I'm probably younger than most hiring managers. If you look at it that way, I shouldn't be bothered that a teenager called me a woman - she's a girl and I'm significantly older than her, so of course she wouldn't call me what she is. It's just a matter of perception. I think of myself as a girl because within my own head, I am one.

I don't see that changing with time. Maybe - when I've had a real career, something that lasts more than a couple years. Maybe - when I'm married and have children. For now? I'm not irresponsible. Far from it! But I'm not a woman. It feels like being a woman should mean I've made it - I'm done, not perfect but as close to it as I'm going to get. It feels like a destination, and I'm not there yet.

There's only one real problem, and that is that it is a stupid way to think. Womanhood is just one of two things: physical age or mental/emotional maturity. And if I am physically, emotionally, mentally, and legally an adult, I am a woman. End of story.

I can't think of a segue that doesn't sound pompous, so here, have a couple relevant quotes I found through googling.

“A mature person is one who is does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

“Maturity is: The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; The ability to do a job without being supervised; The ability to carry money without spending it; and The ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.” - Abigail Van Buren