2011

Sometimes I wish people wouldn't do nice things for me. Knowing you should feel grateful can be a burden, especially when you're not because the things that were done weren't anything you would've chosen. Or when you would normally be grateful but it was the wrong timing for that particular good deed. Or when it goes on. And on. And on.

Sometimes knowing someone's heart was in the right place is just not enough.

I watched four movies today. In order: Exit Through The Gift Shop, Salt, She Done Him Wrong, and Scott Pilgrim Versus The World. All good movies. All very different movies! But still, four movies. I watched them (all of them) at my roommate's parents' house, with my roommate and various members of her family. It's wonderful that she spends time with her family. It's really sweet that she wants her family to "adopt" me, and it's not like she expects me to be having stimulating, heartfelt conversations with her family all the time - she suggested I bring my laptop and my DS in case I wanted them. I wish I'd brought the laptop, actually, the DS eventually ran low on batteries because I was there from one to shortly after midnight. But I didn't think I was going to be there that long.

They're great people, don't get me wrong, and they fed me, which was also nice even if it was just frozen pizza (that's not a put-down, I like frozen pizza). I have no real beef with the company or the food, or even the entertainment although I'm a little appalled with myself for watching four movies in one day, it makes me feel so lazy even though I wasn't begging for movies. I just have a problem with spending that much time in one go with anyone, and the fact that I didn't even have time to prepare myself for it because I didn't realize we'd be there that long, and okay, also because I had something else I wanted to do even if, realistically speaking, I'm pretty sure I would've wound up hanging out at home with the cats instead of going to that dance. But that would've been me by myself - I can handle being by myself that long, I can't be around other people that long. I get antsy. I really can't be at someone else's house that long without getting stir crazy and grouchy. Several of my Utah friends can attest to that.

I want to say "it's only that" and "I just etc," but there is no only and no just, it's never one thing with me. I can't legitimately stay angry at my roommate because although she knew I had somewhere else I'd planned to go (because I tried to get her to go with me), she did say I could borrow her truck and drive it to the dance and I never asked. I never spoke up even though midnight was drawing closer. But I'm still upset. I didn't want to spend another New Year's not even celebrating the new year. I didn't want to be in the middle of a movie when it struck midnight. A holiday isn't a holiday if you're not observing it. If you don't treat it special, there's nothing special about it.

It is so stupid to be upset about that.

But they didn't even pause the movie.